« ~I am an epiphany. I am webbed foot mammal channel surfing my way to the top.~ | Main | speed blogging »
September 10, 2005
Candy is Dandy...
Cross-posted from an Ask MetaFilter question ("How can I drink alcohol without having to taste it?").
Disclaimer: all I know about mixed drinks I learned from reading Ask MetaFilter.
Every mixed drink combines three flavors: strong, sweet, and sour. A good drink balances all three, so they lose their individual characteristics and form a gestalt entity with a unique gustatorial identity. A cocktail also folds in a counterpoint of bitter. Anotherwords, the way to get rid of the alcohol taste in drinks isn't to use less alcohol, but to balance it properly with other flavors. This is why the screwdriver is such a popular drink: The vodka provides the strong, and the juice acts as both the sweet and the sour (though I like to add a bit of lime juice to give the sour an extra kick).
First, strong. You need to aim for neutral spirits. That's vodka, white rum, gin—anything that's clear and at least 80 proof. Your goal is to disguise this flavor, but not to overpower it. With a properly prepared drink, the strong flavor acts as a sort of base, a medium in which the sour and sweet interact. You will get so lost in sweet/sour dynamic that you'll never focus on the strong background.
Second, sweet. Use these sparingly. You have several options here. Most commercial orange and cranberry juices will end up in this category, as opposed to sour. So does Rose's syrupy sweet lime juice. And grenadine. And Cointreau. And soft drinks. And tonic water. And, of course, simple syrup (sugar mixed with water and heated 'til it becomes viscous).
Third, sour. Your main allies here are lemon juice and lime juice. Preferably fresh. In a pinch, plastic fruit-shaped bottles of juice will work, as long as you apologize to yourself later. If a drink recipe calls for lemon or lime juice, do not use sweetened juices like Rose's unless the recipe specifically asks for them by name. Remember, the idea is to balance flavors. Sometimes as small a step as rubbing the lip of a glass with a bit of lemon rind can drastically change the flavor of a drink.
Finally, bitter. You've got few choices here. Angostura or Peychaud's, and you won't be able to find Peychaud's, so Angostura it is.
Now, all you have to do is mix and match. Start with ice: cooler drinks reveal less of the taste of the alcohol. Then mix in a splash or two of a sour, a single dash of bitter, a jigger of one of the strongs, and top the glass with sweet. Stir. Enjoy.
Examples:
• The Moscow Mule. This is an old highball from when vodka first got trendy in America. Ice, lemon or lime juice, a jigger of vodka, and top with ginger beer. Properly made, the ginger will mask the strong, making it taste like an exotic soda.
• Cuba Libre. Rum and coke is a nasty highball. A Cuba Libre is a classy cocktail. Whereas rum&coke is a gamble—it'll either be too strong from excess rum or too sweet from excess Coke—a Cuba Libre is balanced. Ice, splash of lime juice, dash of bitters, a jigger of rum, top with Coke. For a more exotic feel, use only a shot of rum and also include half a shot of gin.
• Vodka tonic. I'm a purist and would prefer a gin and tonic, but gin's juniper flavor shines through the tonic, and might be too alcoholy for you. Ice, splash of lemon/lime juice, jigger of vodka, top with tonic water. If it's properly made it'll taste like a sublime lemonade. If it's too sour, add a dash of bitters. But be careful—too much bitters and the VT will turn pink and noxious.
• Dark & Stormy. This suggestion isn't made with neutral spirits, but I include it simply because it's yummy. Ice, splash of lemon juice, jigger of Gosling's Black Seal Rum (no other rum is acceptable), top with ginger beer, rub lip of glass with lemon peel. Like the Moscow Mule, this one blocks the alcohol flavor quite well.
• Bloody Mary. You always have a chance of putting in too much vodka, but a balanced Bloody Mary disguises alcohol like none other. Recipes differ to such an extent that I'm hesitant of sharing any one in particular. In light of Katrina, Louisiana industry could probably use any money it can get, so just go for the Tabasco brand mix available at any and all liquor stores. It's drinkable. As long as you don't put too much vodka in, the spicy saltiness of the mix will block the strong flavor from your tongue, though you might taste the vodka if you burp.
If all these are too much trouble, or if they don't sufficiently block the taste, I have one other suggestion. When I first became of drinking age, and my palate lacked all sophistication, there was a certain highball I greatly enjoyed. Bacardi has this liquor they sell called Cyclon. It's Bacardi rum mixed with Cuervo and lime syrup. It's sweet on its own, but mix it with Sprite or 7-Up, and it tastes like a soft drink. You can pound them all night, or until you go into sugar shock. I stopped drinking this mix when I decided I liked balanced flavors better. Still, if you're desperate for something that will hide the alcohol and don't mind the sweetness, it'll do.
Oh, yeah. If you ever do have some spare cash lying around and have the opportunity to buy expensive vodka, go for Hangar One. They mix a brandy blend into their vodkas, and it creates an astoundingly smooth flavor without any of the vodka bite.
Posted by Jon Rubin at September 10, 2005 01:07 PM